


We Can Never Replace Her, Just Miss Her

by Akinasky



Series: All Our Firsts [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Derek Hale & Sheriff Stilinski Bonding, Derek is a Good Boyfriend, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mother's Day, Stilinski Family Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 19:29:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10928487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akinasky/pseuds/Akinasky
Summary: Stiles is planning to ignore the passing of one more Mother's Day but he can't, he feels the need to no longer let the day pass in sad silence. Derek takes him where he needs to go and they are there for each other in shared mourning.





	We Can Never Replace Her, Just Miss Her

**Author's Note:**

> As per usual, I can never get these stories out on the Holiday itself but I feel like a couple of days isn't to bad.

**Mother’s Day 'First'**

Stiles sighed, staring at the picture in his hand as he slumped down on the bed. He was supposed to be getting ready to go to the movies with Derek but he’d caught sight of the picture on his nightstand and now it was impossible not to think about what day it was.

He’d only had eight mother’s days with his mom and she had always been the best. She’d been funny and loving, running around with him and learning with him. He remembered all the times when he would ask her something about various random topics and she would drag down the dictionaries and then they would start searching the internet until he was satisfied with the answer. She’d helped him all the times when other kids were mean to him, for being smarter and sarcastic, and laughed at the fact that her seven year old was capable of being sarcastic. He’d always been an overachiever.

He sniffed when he thought about her last good day, they’d all been together in the hospital. She’d waited until his dad went to get the food they had ordered in then she had turned to Stiles and smiled while she took his hand.

“My sweet Mieczyslaw, one day you are going to meet someone and you won’t have to be alone and I am going to be there with you. I will be with you every day for the rest of your life but I need you to be brave for me and for your dad. You need to be there for each other, every day. Okay love? Because someday when you fall in love, your dad is going to need you to remember that he’s there and maybe there will be a time when he needs permission to fall in love too.”

“Mom!” Stiles had scolded her; he couldn’t imagine a day when his daddy didn’t love his mommy.

“I know this is hard to even imagine love and I probably shouldn’t be telling you any of this but I worry about you too. Just don’t forget to be there for your father.”

Stiles nodded enthusiastically because his mom trusted him with something and he wouldn’t let her down.

Someone knocked and Stiles looked up and found Derek leaning against his door with that little ‘Stiles Smile’ on his face. He had finally convinced the werewolf that he didn’t have to hide that happiness and suddenly Stiles wanted to punch himself in the gut because he was about to drag their date through the mud.

“You ready to go? The movies going to start soon.”

“Der?” he asked, choking a little on the name.

“Hey?” Derek whispered as he frowned and came in to sit down next to the teenager. “What’s wrong?”

Stiles shifted, lifted her leg and pulled it up close and took Derek’s hand, “I need to see my dad. I need to go see my mom. Please?”

Derek pressed his free hand into the side of Stiles’s neck, “Stiles, of course we can go see your dad. There is a later showing of the movie if we decide to go. We can do whatever you need today.”

Stiles looked up and smiled, leaning in to take a quick kiss. Then paused, “Do you wanna go somewhere for your mom today?”

Derek shrugged but Stiles could see the minute expression that lasted for all of a second before he flattened it out and there was no way he was letting that slide later. “I don’t even know where they are buried because we were already gone. I don’t need to see a grave to know she’s not here.”

Stiles flopped forward and hugged his boyfriend tightly. Derek’s arms wrapped around his lower back, fingers digging slightly into his skin. Then he pulled back and forced a smile before he stood up, Derek followed quickly. They both walked downstairs and Stiles walked into the kitchen and then walked around in a circle, not knowing what to do next.

“Stiles? What’s the matter?”

“My dad, he went to work. He always works on Mother’s Day, so the others don’t have to. He’s always working to keep from missing her.”

“Do you want to go see him? We can take him some lunch?” the werewolf asked and Stiles nodded vigorously before he started moving around the kitchen, throwing together a couple of sandwiches while Derek pulled together some of the leftovers from the fridge for sides, sneaking in something while Stiles glared at him, and they carted everything out to the Jeep in silence. Stiles knew that Derek was watching him closely, keeping a hand around the back of his neck as they drove to the Sheriff’s station and walked inside. Stiles made a beeline for his dad’s office and noticed that the place looked dead, not a lot going on in town today and many of the family men of the department were out for the holiday. He stopped, Derek almost ramming into him as he watched his dad working at his desk. The older man was hunched over, glaring at the paperwork like it had done him a personal disservice by being there. Stiles heaved a great sigh and took another step back, pushing and shoving Derek out of the way as he headed for the door thinking that he was going to make this worse for his dad.

He didn’t want that!

“Stiles?” Derek called and pulled his boyfriend to a halt. They were right outside the front door of the Sheriff’s station and Stiles moved off to the side so they weren’t standing in the way and more importantly they weren’t in line of sight of anyone inside.

“Stop! You don’t know! I just make it worse! I am so much like her and it’s Mother’s Day and I can’t bring her back and he’s just sitting there trying not to think about it and here I am—the walking, talking reminder.”

Derek frowned then tilted his head and Stiles sighed because he knew that look. Closing his eyes even as he turned towards the door, still holding all the food in his hands and caught sight of his dad just coming out the door—smiling and a lot confused as to what they were doing outside.

“Stiles? What’s wrong? They said that you came in then left, did you need something kiddo?”

He stared at his dad, his breathing coming in fast pants while Derek pressed up behind him, his hand rubbing circles into Stiles’s back for a moment then answered. “We were going to bring you some lunch.”

“Stiles, that’s very nice of you especially if Derek packed the sides,” the sheriff said with a wink. Stiles laughed but it was put on, felt painful to push out and he appreciated his dad’s similar coping mechanism of laughter and sarcasm but he didn’t know what he was doing right now.

“Come in boys and sit with me,” his dad invited and Stiles nodded jerkily but it wasn’t until Derek nudged him that he moved back inside and they walked all the way to the Sheriff’s office and settled around the table. Stiles handed over the food and his dad dug into the food with vigor.

“Did you forget breakfast this morning?” Stiles asked, immediately shifting away from the anxiety for the sake of scolding the man for not taking care of himself.

“So, what’s up Stiles, I thought you guys were going to some movie this afternoon?”

Stiles took a deep breath and then his mouth opened and words just started falling out, “It’s Mother’s Day and I was looking at a picture of Mom and I remembered when she was good that last day,” it all came out in a rush and glanced up at his dad who was just wearing one of those fond/sad expressions that he was so good at when it came to Mom.

“Yeah?” the sheriff asked gently.

“I remember she told me to be strong and always be there for you, that we would be there for each other and she said something about when I fell in love and that she would always be here and she’s not and it’s not fair Daddy!” Stiles exclaimed as he looked over to his boyfriend and wished on a futile star that she had been around long enough to know Derek. That he was the best thing that had ever happened to her little boy.

“I know son, I know it’s not fair. I want her to be here too, so badly especially now as I am getting to watch you grow into this brave and intelligent young man that she always knew you would be.”

“I didn’t want to let her down, it doesn’t matter how in love I am, we are still a team and then I couldn’t help but think that sometimes I just make it worse, missing her.” Stiles paused and Derek reached over and took his hand even as his dad stood and walked around the desk to scooch in front of Stiles. “I didn’t know what you needed and I knew what she wanted and I just got stuck.”

“Stiles,” the Sheriff said gruffly and dragged his son out of the chair and pulled him into a back-bending hug which Stiles returned one-handed since he had no intention or desire to let go of Derek’s hand.

“Listen kid,” he dad said into the side of his head and maybe it was being in love with a werewolf but the swelter of breath across the tip of his ear was so strangely comforting now, “I am never going to stop missing your mom but God I gave up worrying about missing her more because you are with me. I have almost lost you more times than I even want to count because you are seriously trying to be the death of me,” Stiles snorted at that.

“Sorry Dad,” he whispered.

“Nothing to be sorry about, you’re a good kid no you’re a brave man but don’t ever think that a day goes by that I don’t want to celebrate that you are still here. I love you son!”

Stiles sobbed a little, hating it but couldn’t seem to stop it, Derek and his dad just tightened their hold on him, “S-s-stop be-being all mushy, you’re get-tt-ing fee-li-lings all o-o-ver me-me.”

His dad chuckled and Derek just tightened his hand in a comforting squeeze and Stiles barely got a hold on himself with that much love all around him.

“Why don’t we go to the grave now?” Derek asked gently and Stiles thought about it and shook his head.

“You said you wanted to take flowers,” Derek started and Stiles pulled away from his father.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to his werewolf’s lips then shook his head, “I do, just not to the cemetery. I want to go somewhere we always went together as a family.”

The Sheriff smiled, “Just be careful boys, I don’t want to get any weird calls out there. Not today.”

Stiles nodded, hugged his dad again then headed towards the door but lost hold of Derek after a second. He turned and watched as his dad reached out and tugged Derek close for a hug and whispered something and Derek was nodded quickly. Then he turned and both of them headed back outside.

“What did he say to you?” Stiles asked.

“That no matter what I’ve lost, I still have a father.”

Stiles stopped, smiled and leaned forward to pull Derek into another hug. He felt the huff over the edge of his shoulder but he knew exactly how touched Derek is by his father’s words. “Can I be a little happy that he’s here because of me? That we were a package deal?” Stiles asked, hoping he didn’t come off sounding like a jerk.

Derek snorted and moved to press a kiss into the side of Stiles’s neck, “You’re my partner first and foremost Stiles, I wouldn’t have him if it wasn’t for you so you can be as smug as you’d like about that.”

Stiles snickered then pressed his hands into the back of Derek’s head as he stepped back while his fingers carded through the hair at the base of his scalp, “Not smug Derek, just happy.”

“You make me happy.”

“You make me the happiest ever,” Stiles returned with a snarky grin, kissed Derek fast and sloppy on the mouth then took off towards the Jeep. They both got in, Stiles behind the wheel and they headed out. He felt lighter than he had when he walked into the station and he knew it was because he’d asked for what his father needed and the anxiety of not living up to someone’s standards or needs had been released.

They did stop somewhere and bought a dozen roses for a ridiculous price that Derek paid despite Stiles’s grumbling and they loaded back into the Jeep and headed out.

“Where exactly _are_ we going?” Derek asked when Stiles just started driving.

Stiles turned and took a deep breath, “You promise you won’t be mad?” he asked. There was a lot that Derek still didn’t know about the Stilinski family and this was one of them. His mother had loved the forest; it had been her safe place for when she needed time away. They went for walks in the Preserve all the time and there was this tree, a really big one that was far enough away from the Hale house and near a small creek that Stiles knew. Every Mother’s Day the three of them would have a picnic under that tree and even now, their initials had been marked into the stump. It would be faded, overgrown possibly because they hadn’t been back there in years but Stiles knew the tree was still there as of a year ago.

And thankfully because the Preserve was private property belonging to his boyfriend, Stiles knew that there was no reason to believe the tree would be in danger. Unless the new foundation had been laid somewhere near there but Stiles didn’t think that was the case. He’d been out there constantly with Derek helping him pick the perfect spot for the new place and though he’d never brought attention to the tree or anything in the Preserve so this might be shocking or hurtful for the werewolf but Stiles prayed it wasn’t.

Derek frowned at him, “Why would I be mad?”

“We’re going to a place in the Preserve, a place my mom found a long time ago. We carved our initials in this tree a long time ago… What? You’re mad?” Stiles stammered as the look of confusion slackened into something unidentifiable for a moment.

“I’m not mad, the Preserve wasn’t really private property back then, not for some. We trusted people to be on our land and I knew the scents of the frequent visitors but I don’t remember yours. Though I do know the tree, by a little creek?”

“Yeah!” Stiles said excitedly, glad he hadn’t done anything to hurt his sweet brooding werewolf.

“I know the tree,” he tilted his head to the side a little, “You stopped going when she died?”

Stiles nodded and they continued in silence for a minute then Stiles couldn’t help but ask, “What did you do for your mom on Mother’s Day?”

Derek tilted his head back on the headrest and Stiles wondered again if that faraway look smelled like grief and what that smelled like, he loved being a human even after all these years running with the supernatural but sometimes he wished he could know Derek’s scent like the werewolf knew his.

“I remember,” Derek started with that small hesitant smile, “This one time, all of my siblings and I—it must have been when I was about ten, we decided to cook dinner for mama. But we decided that we were going to do it wolf-style.”

“Oh no,” Stiles snorted, wondering if he knew exactly where this was going.

“We all shifted in the Preserve, I was full wolf—more like a gangly cub but at least I had teeth and claws that way. Peter and my dad went with us but we got separated and distracted. I ran off after a rabbit, decided to be the big bad hunter, and I got lost.”

“You got lost in the Preserve?” Stiles hooted, knowing thankfully that Derek wouldn’t take it for a hurtful comment, just enjoying the story.

“Shut up, I was eight and excitable and I killed a rabbit for my mom. I stumbled back into my human shape and cried out. She found me about fifteen minutes later and I was losing it. So for Mother’s Day one year she had rabbit for dinner and a distraught eight year old who may have gotten stuck in wolf form for a couple of hours to ignore my siblings who were just being jerks to me.”

Stiles got quiet thinking about little cub Derek and how cute he probably was and then how much his mother wanted more children, Stiles had always been enough but both of his parents had stopped at one because his mother got sick. And then Derek lost them all so maybe it was better, less people to lose.

“You’re thinking a lot over there,” Derek husked reaching over to press a palm into Stiles’s chest, “I told you a funny story and it was hard because I had to laugh and everything. Tell me one.”

“So bossy,” Stiles snarked but thought back to the years and the mini adventures he’d had with his mother and his father. It was hard wading through the pain of missing her but it was all there on the other side waiting for him. “I normally don’t talk about her, missing her in silence always seemed easier but now I’m not so sure.”

Derek’s rubbed over his heart, “I know Stiles, you help me remember my family every day. Let me help you remember her.”

Stiles thought about it again, “I wish I’d had so much more time with her but there was this one year, it might have been when I was about six. Dad helped me set up this ‘Spa Day’ but I didn’t really know what a Spa Day was because I was six years old and a boy. I filled up the tub but it was _really_ hot, like scald you hot and I think I put together a mask for her but I made it with mud because I thought that’s what they were made of. I know my dad told her everything that I had done for this. I found some cheap nail polish and I was going to paint her nails and everything, I was very sure this was the most amazing thing on the planet and now that I think about it, my dad was so clueless too. I asked Scott’s mom about it and Heather’s mom about it then I improvised. I even made little paper long nails because that’s as close as I could get to those weird acrylics that women plaster to their fingers. Weird.”

“Did she get into the tub and use all that stuff?” Derek asked, little smirk happily in place.

“After my dad made the water human friendly and actually I think I may have dump a bucket load of Epsom salts because they looked like the bath salts that people use. She still got in, hummed happily and dumped mud on her face, much to my father’s pleasure. She let me stick the paper nails to her fingers and everything and she was the proudest mom all day,” Stiles hiccupped, trying to swallow the tears before they started.

“Of course she was,” Derek returned gently and sometimes Stiles just couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without Derek but the fact that not only does he get to have him in his life but Stiles also gets to hear that sweet and loving tone, its more than the spastic young man could have ever dreamed possible.

“Mom got payback with Father’s Day though,” Stiles added cheekily.

“Oh?” Derek asked as they turned off towards the Preserve. Stiles knew the paths back here better than he knew the streets of Beacon Hills, So much of his later highschool years had happened out here with the pack and trouble. He turned and winked at his boyfriend.

“I think it might have been tickets to a championship something or other, and it ended up being like championship ballroom or something. Oh man, he was so funny with Mom, I miss the person my dad was with her.”

“I get it,” Derek said and his hand curved up and around Stiles’s throat comfortingly. Stiles sighed as his boyfriend clarified, “I miss who I was before Paige. As you probably know, I was a lot like Scott.”

“I like you now,” Stiles returned, just in case that wasn’t clear.

Derek smiled, bunny teeth and all and Stiles’s heart melted at the sight, “I know.”

“I love you now and always,” Stiles declared as he parked the jeep and they got out. Derek was standing in front of him, pressing Stiles into the side of the jeep as Derek blanketed his front.

“As much as I love where this could be going, I didn’t bring anything with me,” Stiles said with a waggle of his brows.

Derek rolled his eyes all the while his eyebrows were judging him, “I am going to kiss you Stiles. Its going to be hot and messy and then we are going to go on about our day but your going to wish we would do something in your car out here.”

And that’s exactly what happened. Derek pressed his mouth to Stiles’s open lips and they kissed for a long time, hot and messy while Derek pressed him tightly against the vehicle then just as Stiles was about ready to go for the werewolf’s fly, Derek shifted away from him and took a step back.

“Told ya,” Derek said while Stiles pouted at him. Stiles reached into the jeep and grabbed the flowers and turned back, sticking his tongue out at his boyfriend.

“Real mature,” Derek said with his trademark smirk and they walked into the woods and headed towards the tree. It only took them about ten minutes to get to the creek and the tree. Stiles walked over to the tree and looked for the etching in the wood and though it was there it was faded where the tree had grown and healed. Stiles turned, smiling to Derek who was right behind him.

“Derek, it’s still here. She’s still here. Some small piece of her.”

“I’m glad,” Derek said choking up a little and Stiles rushed back over to his boyfriend and jerked him into a tight hug.

“I know love,” Stiles whispered into the side of Derek’s neck. “She’s here with you, they both are. They are rooting for us from where ever they are and you know they have become besties after all this.”

Derek chuckled, sounding wet. Stiles reveled when Derek’s arms wrapped around his back and they stood there in the woods next to a tree where Stiles used to go with his mom and his dad, just far enough away from the old Hale house but Stiles knew it was there.

They hugged for a couple more minutes then settled on the ground next to the tree, Stiles curled up under Derek’s arm and there heads leaned against each other. They were silent for a while, Stiles holding onto Derek’s hand in his lap and tucking himself into his boyfriend’s side.

“Is it weird that two people who lost their mothers ended up together?” Stiles whispered.

Derek tilted his head a little, letting Stiles’s head fall gently to his neck and his cheek pressed down to the crown of the other man’s head. “I don’t know love.”

“If one of us had a mom, the other one would have one too,” Stiles whispered, feeling miserable for even thinking it let alone saying it though he knew Derek wouldn’t blame him for it. That trust with Derek was one of the biggest reasons they did so well together as a couple and a team, he could tell Derek his deepest darkest things and the werewolf would love him through all of it. He thought about Melissa, his surrogate mom and he couldn’t think about seeing her on Mother’s Day, because she was Scott’s mom and he had a mom. Claudia Stilinski was his mom and that one day dedicated to moms every year he didn’t go looking for a replacement.

“Stiles, we could never replace them, just miss them.”

He whimpered, the sound small and sad, shoving his face into Derek’s neck knowing that it wouldn’t matter—Derek would hear any noise he made no matter what and pretty much 24/7, that was a blessing and a gift but right now, just feeling miserable and broken he wished he’d been able to hold it in.

He heard the sniffle and the shudder that broke over Derek after a minute and jerked up and away to find Derek’s eyes red-rimmed and a tear track on one side. Stiles reached out and pressed his hand to Derek’s cheek, leaning in almost to kiss his partner and waited.

“I miss my mom Derek, even now after all these years, I miss her like a missing limb.”

Derek’s green gaze watched Stiles, “I miss my mom too but I know that she would have loved you.”

Stiles grinned through the tears, “My mom would have totally love you. She also would have listened to me bitch about you for about five minutes before griping that I should man up and kiss you.”

“You did man up and kiss me,” Derek snorted.

Stiles leaned in the rest of the way and kiss his boyfriend on the cheek just barely off his lips, “No I mean when we first met.”

Derek smiled, “Yeah right. You were underage and your dad would have killed me and enjoyed every second of it.”

“Well he would have tried,” Stiles said smugly as he settled next to Derek again. “But I mean it, she would have known way before I did how much I cared about you when it happened and I think the first inkling I had was in the pool in sophomore year. I think knowing that you can lose people so quickly, the only thing I regret in my life is not being with you a lot sooner.”

Derek tightened his arms around Stiles, “We have now and for as long as I breathe.”

Stiles smiled and they fell silent for a few minutes, just listening to the sound of the forest. He could feel the words tripping along the edge of his tongue but he wanted to just be quiet with Derek. The werewolf was so good about being still and sometimes Stiles was capable of following suit.

“Just talk Stiles, this isn’t about being quiet or being anyone but you. Talk to me. You know I love to listen to you talk about her.”

“How do you do that?” Stiles asked even though he didn’t need to. Derek knew him pretty damn well, didn’t need supernatural hearing and scent to figure out what was going on in the head of his human counterpart. “I was just thinking about when we used to come here and sit for hours, we would run around and she would chase me. I never thought to fear the Preserve; it was nothing to a kid like me to walk into the woods when they found your sister. I was so ridiculous back then.”

“You’re ridiculous now,” Derek snorted and pressed his lips to the top of Stiles’s head, to pull the non-existent sting from his words. Stiles knew how much Derek loved his ridiculousness even though it made him crazy sometimes.

“Did I ever apologize to you about Laura?” Stiles whispered and Derek chuckled a little bit.

“You do at least once a year love, and I appreciate it every time. You didn’t have all the information and you were trying to protect your friend. I get it and I forgave you long ago for your part.”

Stiles shifted and pressed a kiss into whatever scrap of Derek’s chest he could reach before he resettled. After a while they got up and left the flowers at the base of the tree and Stiles pressed his fingers into the tree where their marks were at and Derek held out his pocket knife.

“Yeah?” Stiles asked.

Derek nodded and Stiles used the blade to scratch in the initials of his father ‘N.S.’ and his mother, ‘C.S.’ and at the bottom was his kid scrawl of ‘S.S.’ but Stiles didn’t want to put that again, he had his maternal grandfather’s name—a piece of his mother’s heritage and family. He scratched out ‘M.S.S.’ and smiled. Then he turned and handed the knife back to his boyfriend.

“Your turn.”

Derek frowned, looking at Stiles then the tree, “No Stiles, I can’t. This is your family.”

Stiles urged his over with a smile, “You’re my family too Derek. I love you and I would be proud to have your initials next to mine, preferably with a little heart in between them,” Stiles winked and Derek snorted, “Please?”

So Derek did, he scratched a heart into the bark next to Stiles’s initials and then scratched ‘D.H.’ into the bark. Then Stiles watched as Derek pocketed the knife. Stiles stood rocking a little on the balls of his feet then asked, “Can we come back here next year on Mother’s Day?”

Derek smiled, “We can come back here anytime you want but I would love to come here with you next year.”

Stiles nodded, took a deep breath and they walked out of there. Getting into the jeep, they drove to the theater and saw some sappy romantic comedy and Stiles quietly booed and hissed at the stupidness of it, Derek shook his head in that loving patience that he did so well. They went back to the police station and had dinner with the Sheriff and Stiles watched the two people he loved most in the world revel in each other and him and knew that someday when he sees his mom again, she’ll be proud of the man he was and the chance he took to have love in his life.

“Dad, I love you.” Stiles blurted out in a quiet moment between the three of them and the man smiled, eyes crinkling and his laugh lines becoming more pronounced.

“Love you too kiddo, love you both.”

Derek flushed at that and Stiles leaned over and pressed a kiss to Derek’s cheek, whispering, “I love you Derek. We don’t have to be alone anymore with this.”

“I know,” Derek responded with a smile, “I love you too Stiles.”

Life would go on tomorrow, and Stiles would continue to miss his mom. He would continue to feel sad and angry that she couldn’t be here anymore but now, between Derek and his father Stiles was not required to do any of it in silence. Something he had done for far too long. Wasn’t it interesting that the reason why was a brooding silent werewolf who gave him the courage to speak what needed to be said.

And not for nothing, at least he had his father and the man was willing to open his heart to Derek and offer some fatherly love—not to replace Derek’s father or mother but just help him know that he didn’t have to be alone and silent either.

It was the best kind of family.


End file.
